The Duh Files

Let's start today with a letter that appeared in "Dear Abby" this week... a mother wrote in about her 8 year old daughter who is bullying another child: "Abby, Emma's a straight-A student, loved by all of her other friends, their parents, her teachers, our pastor, etc. She's involved in theater, sings, dances, ice skates competitively, cheerleads, races motocross and plays piano. She is very well-behaved at home, and we have no trouble with her. I just don't understand what's going on. When I ask her, she doesn't have an explanation, but truly feels bad for hurting her friend." Dear Abby suggested that maybe the little girl is overscheduled and feels out of control.

Well, DUH.

Then let's move on to Miss Puerto Rico, who was crowned Miss Universe. Eighteen years old, under stress, under hot lights, wearing a dress made entirely of metal chains, she passes out shortly after being crowned.

Well, DUH.

And finally, Lance Bass's big revelation this week. Number one, he was in a boy band. Number two, his name is Lance. He makes the announcement this week that he is, in fact, gay.

Well, DUH.

What next? A landmark study that indicates the most reliable way to lose weight is to eat less and exercise? A poll showing that America has strong feelings about the war in Iraq? The revelation that Keith Richards has been clinically dead for at least 15 years? Do they think we don't know these things?!?!?!