Crossroads
"I'm standin' at the crossroads, believe I'm sinkin' down." - Robert Johnson
Well, I'm not contemplating selling my soul to the devil. At least not yet. But there's a definite crossroads here, in several ways. You see, the plan was move here, get a job immediately, transfer to University of Denver to finish my MSW, and somehow manage to juggle school, a rewarding career, and oh yeah, being the mother the Divas really deserve.
So, one month later I still don't have work. Some of the leads I've gotten have wound up being just not right for me... whether it was me thinking they weren't right, or the employer thinking I wasn't right. The why is irrelevant, the point is I'm still not working. Which of course means I have taken the time to complete my UD application and I'm all set to get back on track with that, barely skipping a beat, right?
Nope. Haven't done it yet. To be honest, I'm not sure I'm ready, at least while I'm still not working. And then tonight, as I was applying for a job with another area college, I noticed that they have a very interesting program. A Master of Nonprofit Management degree. As in, a Master's level program in the same thing for which I have an undergrad-level certification. Plus, their program can be done at least partly online. And in skimming it briefly, it seems I wouldn't have to do any kind of internship/externship/field placement/whatever, because of the nonprofit experience I already have.
Tempting.
Several dilemmas, though. One, can I afford it? I would have to find out if I can apply for Stafford Loans for that program - and since my current loans have me pursuing an MSW, would changing majors affect it? Two, am I absolutely positive that I want to manage a nonprofit, to the point that I'd jettison the social work degree, which is three a very versatile degree - much more versatile than nonprofit management? Four, how does this impact the PhD in social work that I've considered going after eventually? Five, how the hell am I going to afford to send my kids to college when I'm busy paying off my own staggering student loan debt, no matter WHAT degree I wind up getting?
And six... to be painfully and bluntly honest, I'm great with ideas, sometimes not as good with follow-through. I know I can finish a Master's degree in something. I know I can put it to good use. Good enough, anyway. But I often think I may be too lazy to really live up to my potential. I mean, I haven't done so well up to this point. If I'd stayed with the original plan, I'd be a successful architect right now, with my own firm, which would be named one of the top companies to work for by "Working Mother" magazine, for my free on-site child care for all employees, flexible schedules, work-from-home opportunities, and generous paid maternity leave. At 32, I might have a couple of children by now, but certainly not one who is already in the double digits with age. Not that I regret my daughters for a moment, and not that I really regret where life has taken me. In some ways, I am a much better and more useful person than I would have been had I stuck with the plan. But at the same time... there's such a big sense of what-if sometimes... Especially on these late nights, when I'm staring lengthy unemployment and hopeless dependence in the face. And let me tell you... those are NOT fun. I'm standing at the crossroads...
And I don't even have Steve Vai for company.
Well, I'm not contemplating selling my soul to the devil. At least not yet. But there's a definite crossroads here, in several ways. You see, the plan was move here, get a job immediately, transfer to University of Denver to finish my MSW, and somehow manage to juggle school, a rewarding career, and oh yeah, being the mother the Divas really deserve.
So, one month later I still don't have work. Some of the leads I've gotten have wound up being just not right for me... whether it was me thinking they weren't right, or the employer thinking I wasn't right. The why is irrelevant, the point is I'm still not working. Which of course means I have taken the time to complete my UD application and I'm all set to get back on track with that, barely skipping a beat, right?
Nope. Haven't done it yet. To be honest, I'm not sure I'm ready, at least while I'm still not working. And then tonight, as I was applying for a job with another area college, I noticed that they have a very interesting program. A Master of Nonprofit Management degree. As in, a Master's level program in the same thing for which I have an undergrad-level certification. Plus, their program can be done at least partly online. And in skimming it briefly, it seems I wouldn't have to do any kind of internship/externship/field placement/whatever, because of the nonprofit experience I already have.
Tempting.
Several dilemmas, though. One, can I afford it? I would have to find out if I can apply for Stafford Loans for that program - and since my current loans have me pursuing an MSW, would changing majors affect it? Two, am I absolutely positive that I want to manage a nonprofit, to the point that I'd jettison the social work degree, which is three a very versatile degree - much more versatile than nonprofit management? Four, how does this impact the PhD in social work that I've considered going after eventually? Five, how the hell am I going to afford to send my kids to college when I'm busy paying off my own staggering student loan debt, no matter WHAT degree I wind up getting?
And six... to be painfully and bluntly honest, I'm great with ideas, sometimes not as good with follow-through. I know I can finish a Master's degree in something. I know I can put it to good use. Good enough, anyway. But I often think I may be too lazy to really live up to my potential. I mean, I haven't done so well up to this point. If I'd stayed with the original plan, I'd be a successful architect right now, with my own firm, which would be named one of the top companies to work for by "Working Mother" magazine, for my free on-site child care for all employees, flexible schedules, work-from-home opportunities, and generous paid maternity leave. At 32, I might have a couple of children by now, but certainly not one who is already in the double digits with age. Not that I regret my daughters for a moment, and not that I really regret where life has taken me. In some ways, I am a much better and more useful person than I would have been had I stuck with the plan. But at the same time... there's such a big sense of what-if sometimes... Especially on these late nights, when I'm staring lengthy unemployment and hopeless dependence in the face. And let me tell you... those are NOT fun. I'm standing at the crossroads...
And I don't even have Steve Vai for company.
posted by SaraSmile | 12:44 AM
5 Comments:
If the kids want to go to college... let them figure out a way to pay for it. Just like YOU there! Who knows? One may grow up to be a rock star... another one a super model... another... an activist of some sort and the last one... well she may be a momma's girl for life.
So there you have it.
One problem solved!
Steve Vai as the devil's guitarist was one of the coolest casting jobs EVER in film.
The battle was the coolest part of the film yet when you listen to Ralph's parts it's a totally different guitar tone (gotta love Ry Cooder!).
Ok .. that was pointless.
Anyways .. I have every confidence that things will turn about for you soon. All you have to do is just believe in yourself and your abilities.
I also work with the idea of that "for every door that closes one will open" and I know yours will open very, very soon.
Believe and smile for me Sara :)
Yer fave Canadian :)
I appreciate all the support and encouragement... though I'm still trying to figure out how I wound up with FOUR kids... :) But yes... thank you one and all.
oops... sorry... only 3 kids there... unless there's something we dont know about?? hmmmm????
EEEEEEEEKKK!!! BITE YOUR TONGUE!!! Don't wish something like that on me!!!!
:P
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