You're Soaking In It

Sometimes it really sucks to be a sponge.

Let me explain.

My spiritual heritage is a little odd. I was raised Catholic and eventually realized that it didn’t work for me. I spent several years as an agnostic. (One year I decided to give up agnosticism for Lent – everyone could use a little irony in their diet, right?) A few years back I joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Turns out that didn’t work for me either. Imagine that - a liberal/social work student, not being comfortable there. Nevertheless.

My sister is psychic. As in, she has a day job but is also a medium and spiritual advisor, writes columns for a related publication, and is often a presenter or vendor at psychic fairs and the like. She gives readings, tarot and otherwise, and practices several healing arts. And that kind of stuff runs in the family. Which is to say, I have a touch of the psychic in me as well, as have many of our relatives, both still-living and now-passed. My talents come into play more along the lines of the healing arts. With no formal training, I still can give a darn good reiki treatment. I also have a knack for getting people to open up to me, and for figuring out the ways to help them and empower them, that will work best for them. It’s no coincidence that I’ve been called to a helping profession.

However, it has one hell of a side effect. You see, I’m something of an emotional sponge. When things are going wrong, be it a personal conflict, discord within a group, or natural disaster/ worldwide situation… I soak it all up. Right now, I’m in the middle of a period of personal strife; some emotional issues are rising to the surface despite my best efforts to tamp them down. I’m actually starting to become physically ill, in part because I don’t get much sleep… because I stay up until I can’t even keep my eyes open, so that I won’t be able to remember my dreams. I’m afraid of what must be in them. There is also a very painful and angry conflict going on, in a group of which I am a very active member. People are turning against one another, and making hateful and angry, very generalized statements, probably not even realizing how much those comments might be hurting people in addition to the intended target. And then, of course, I live in Houston. Or is it New Orleans II? Working in a social service job, and going to school for social work, I am being flooded (no pun intended) with Katrina information every time I turn around. This effort, that project, people need water, no, food, no, diapers, no, schoolbooks, no, shelter… And then there’s the whole war thing, which oddly enough is related to one of my biggest sources of comfort, my soldiers. My daughters are a huge source of comfort, but they are also a source of anxiety – after all, I have to provide for them. My soldiers don’t expect me to provide for their basic needs. They sure do appreciate anything I do for them, but at the end of the day, if I don’t send snacks or DVDs or a new shirt, I’m not letting them down.

So. There is a lot of strife surrounding me, on all different levels. Very little escape from any of it, and even less escape that is constructive as opposed to potentially self-destructive. And I am taking it in. I am absorbing it. And just like a sponge, I will soon reach a point of saturation, where I can’t take one more bit of it without overflowing.

I just wonder what will happen then.