Weary

Most of us think ourselves as standing wearily and helplessly at the center of a circle bristling with tasks, burdens, problems, annoyance, and responsibilities which are rushing in upon us. At every moment we have a dozen different things to do, a dozen problems to solve, a dozen strains to endure. We see ourselves as overdriven, overburdened, overtired. This is a common mental picture and it is totally false. No one of us, however crowded his life, has such an existence. What is the true picture of your life? Imagine that there is an hour glass on your desk. Connecting the bowl at the top with the bowl at the bottom is a tube so thin that only one grain of sand can pass through it at a time. That is the true picture of your life, even on a super busy day, The crowded hours come to you always one moment at a time. That is the only way they can come. The day may bring many tasks, many problems, strains, but invariably they come in single file. You want to gain emotional poise? Remember the hourglass, the grains of sand dropping one by one.

James Gordon Gilkey

Sure, grains of sand dropping one by one... easy for him to say... let's name the grains... finals approaching, with me woefully unprepared... the job hunt dead in the water, in part because I'm too busy with school stuff, in part because I've jumped full-force into letting myself have a social life, in a rather... hmmm... counterproductive? unhealthy? accident-waiting-to-happen?... way... and of course finances, always shaky... feeling guilty and like a bad mother because I'm dreading the idea of having the baby with me all the time, a thing I can't believe I just admitted... down on myself for my ever-expanding waistline... feeling sorry for myself all around... I'm definitely not at my best right now, and I feel like I can't show it... Bless her heart, a good friend reminded me today that I have a right to be upset and worried and depressed, and here I had been feeling guilty over even feeling that way. *sigh* Not much to really SAY here, it was just a vent, and a way to finally post something else, as I've been quite neglectful...