Worms in Apples
Sorry for that imagery, but it was the best way I could come up with to describe that feeling. I turned on my net radio this morning, and the first thing I heard was a sign of the apocalypse... Britney Spears singing "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction." Heresy! Sacrilege! It's just so... so... WRONG!!!
What else is wrong? Without naming names... me sitting here with a big ol' crush on someone, that more than a few people know about, as signs keep popping up that my interest is not exactly being returned. It was being returned, but now it seems kinda lukewarm. And I don't know if I'm paranoid, or if I was reading too much into it before. To be fair, I don't know what I want, and I know that there are women out there who do know what they want, and have more to offer than I do. It's just getting a bit frustrating, as it happens over and over again. And yes, I know the lesson I'm supposed to be learning here (or one of them anyway) but I'm just stubborn enough to refuse to acknowledge it.
And now I know, it's hitting me in the face even as I'm typing this. Exactly what Mick is trying to tell me, and exactly what my mama has been telling me for 31 years... No, I can't always get what I want, but it's high time I start trying to get what I need. I think I know what I need, and now I just have to do what I have to do to get it. I wish I could do it without hurting anyone in the process... oh my God... that's what "Illusions" threw at me the other day too... I feel as stream-of-consciousness as James Joyce, but I'm just getting hit with revelation after revelation, in the most unusual of ways. Ideally we should strive to get what we want/need without hurting anyone, but that's not an absolute responsibility... and why have I been so worried about not hurting one specific person, after all the hurt that person has brought into my life - possibly at the expense of others who are just "caught in the crossfire" so to speak.
Okay. So I have a drive I need to make soon... and an e mail I need to write RIGHT NOW! See ya...
What else is wrong? Without naming names... me sitting here with a big ol' crush on someone, that more than a few people know about, as signs keep popping up that my interest is not exactly being returned. It was being returned, but now it seems kinda lukewarm. And I don't know if I'm paranoid, or if I was reading too much into it before. To be fair, I don't know what I want, and I know that there are women out there who do know what they want, and have more to offer than I do. It's just getting a bit frustrating, as it happens over and over again. And yes, I know the lesson I'm supposed to be learning here (or one of them anyway) but I'm just stubborn enough to refuse to acknowledge it.
And now I know, it's hitting me in the face even as I'm typing this. Exactly what Mick is trying to tell me, and exactly what my mama has been telling me for 31 years... No, I can't always get what I want, but it's high time I start trying to get what I need. I think I know what I need, and now I just have to do what I have to do to get it. I wish I could do it without hurting anyone in the process... oh my God... that's what "Illusions" threw at me the other day too... I feel as stream-of-consciousness as James Joyce, but I'm just getting hit with revelation after revelation, in the most unusual of ways. Ideally we should strive to get what we want/need without hurting anyone, but that's not an absolute responsibility... and why have I been so worried about not hurting one specific person, after all the hurt that person has brought into my life - possibly at the expense of others who are just "caught in the crossfire" so to speak.
Okay. So I have a drive I need to make soon... and an e mail I need to write RIGHT NOW! See ya...
posted by SaraSmile | 6:11 AM
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